Happiness is not self-evident! This is clear from this special story of a mother who talks about her miscarriage and her premature daughter Nelle before she gave birth to a healthy healthy son. Getting pregnant and putting a healthy child on the world is not self-evident.
Our story starts in 2012. After 5 years of being together, a renovation largely behind us we stepped into the marriage boat. Carefree and ready to start a family. A year later our dream came true, we were pregnant!
The happiness was short-lived, however, because after 11 weeks I got heavy bleeding. It quickly became clear that it was not good. On the first aid the miscarriage was confirmed and a curettage followed.
Away baby, away dream ... I felt so empty, was so angry at the world, sad at the sight of every pregnant woman!
Five months later we had a positive pregnancy test again. I was terrified. A first ultrasound soon followed, the heart was right. We were happy, but still very worried. The echoes followed each other quickly and every time everything looked good. We also knew that we were expecting a girl. The ghosts in my head made way to dare to dream again.
Slowly we arrived at the 18 weeks of pregnancy. A beautiful pregnant belly, I was overjoyed. Clothes were bought, everything before the room was ordered, there was already thought about baptism sugar and a birth list.
We walked on clouds ... until suddenly 21 weeks came to an end!
During this ultrasound, there appears to be a growth retardation of two weeks. A puncture is recommended and we are referred to Ghent. The beginning of a huge agony!
The specialist in Ghent does not bring us good news and gives us little hope. It does not look good, they even dare to predict that the heart will stop beating within 3 weeks. We are stunned and can not believe this. Meanwhile, her room was just finished.
A few days later we get the result of the puncture, it turns out to be good!
Her heart is still right, I feel her move every day and she continues to grow! We do not give up! We decide to go to another specialist in Leuven, but there too they do not give us much hope.
However, there is no one who can tell us what is going on. Except for the growth retardation, they can not find anything. According to them, too, it is waiting until her heart breaks down. But she does not!
I feel my fighter every day, it seems like she does not ask her to give up and we do not!
She has chosen us and we choose to fight with her, despite all the contradictions and the great uncertainty.
I try everything to stimulate her growth: an adapted diet, acupuncture, yoga, ... until we get the crushing news from Leuven that they have found something from the DNA of the puncture at 31 weeks.
Our girl has triploidy and will not be able to be born viable. It is recommended to terminate the pregnancy and give birth as soon as possible.
We are defeated and broken!
We go to the sea and take pictures to say goodbye.
I can still feel it after all. We choose to have the birth a week later, but I do not want to take a pill to kill her. Somewhere I still hope for a miracle!
After days of intense, intensive delivery, our beautiful Nelle comes to the world on July 22, 2014. Her heart stopped beating for an hour before she was born. With her 36 cm she was indeed very small, but especially very fragile.
We stayed together all evening.
The nurse helps her to make things neat and dress up.
It all felt so unreal, but as long as we were together in the hospital we still managed.
But then came the moment we were not prepared for ... the appointment with the undertaker! How on earth do you arrange the funeral of your own child? A box, an urn, a little zerkje ... We were as stunned, did what we had to do and went to see our daughter for the last time.
Leaving her in hospital is the hardest thing we have ever had to do.
Outside steps without baby, without maxi-cosi, coming home in an empty baby room! We were empty and stunned. This did not really happen and was a scary dream. Together with her, a piece died in me. I could no longer laugh, had no pleasure or fancy, I no longer had tears to cry.
Life continues on autopilot. This lasted for 11 months until our son Nio was born on June 22, 2015 and breathed new life into us. He enjoys and clearly lives for two. But the loss remains!
Every family photo does not seem complete. With your son to the cemetery to see his sister is not as it should be, but it is what it is.
We enjoy every moment that we experience together, we experience every new step that we take enormously intense.
We would like to have another brother or sister for Nio, but we will never do this again without worry.
Every life is a miracle. Happiness is not self-evident!
Would you like to tell your story too? Please tell us and our readers. We are very curious about your story which can be a great consolation for other women who have experienced the same or are currently experiencing the same.