After 20 weeks I lost my daughter!

Getting pregnant and having a baby is not a matter of course! This is evident from this experience blog in which a mother tells her emotional story about the loss of her daughter Alyana at 20 weeks of pregnancy.

About two years ago I was pregnant for the first time. I was very happy when I discovered this, but on the other hand it also made me anxious and tense. My then-boyfriend did not want children. When I told him the news he was very angry at first. Luckily he turned later and decided to keep the baby. The first time we went to the gynecologist together was very exciting, but also very nice. We saw our baby for the first time!

A few weeks later the news was less good. During the second check, the gynecologist could not find our child. It was deceased. I was 10 weeks pregnant then. Because the miscarriage did not start spontaneously, I had to go to the hospital for curettage. The curettage felt like hell. I was very sad about the loss of our baby, however small he or she was.

My friend and I tried again after a while. After 7 months of working, I had enough of it. And maybe it was better. Because shortly after this period of 7 months, my boyfriend and I broke up.

Six months later I met my current friend. It immediately clicked incredibly well. After 3 months I turned out to be pregnant. This came very unexpectedly and we were both a bit scared. After all, we have not had a relationship for so long. But in addition, I was especially afraid to have a miscarriage again. I did not want to experience that sadness again. Yet we decided to keep the child. It was a very exciting time.

I was therefore very relieved when I passed the 3 months. Now I was out of the danger zone and our baby was still completely healthy. How nice!

We had an ultrasound during the 16 weeks. If we wanted to, they could tell us what the gender was. We were so curious that we agreed. We got a girl! My friend and I immediately started to invent names. At first more difficult than we thought and we could not agree on it.

Because we became a family and did not even live together, we had to change this. Time to move and live together under one roof. The move gave a lot of stress and it was a troubled period. By the time I was 20 weeks pregnant, we lived just a week together.

In that week I suddenly started to get abdominal pain. I immediately called to the emergency maternity and told how I felt. I had abdominal pain, the feeling that my intestines were completely full and I had to go to the toilet all the time. Everything I ate that day also came out again. The employee indicated that I probably had a bladder infection. I had to call the gynecologist the next day.

After these words I tried to turn my unrest away from me.

Later that same day, my friend and I and two friends assembled a closet. This went a lot harder than we expected and my friend did something annoyed and nervous about me. At a certain moment he got a bit angry because I did not manage to put that box together properly. At the moment we just wanted to sit down, I get severe stomach pain. I cringed. A friend of ours said that I was exaggerating in my pregnancy, but I did not feel well and the pain was pretty intense.

When our friends left, I had to go to the bathroom regularly. My stomach ache was still very intense. After I had returned to the toilet I had to lean against a chair in the living room to catch the pain in my stomach. It was terrible and I did not know what happened to me. A little later I had to go to the bathroom again and I felt that something was not blowing out of me. I think that at that moment my water was broken. My friend then rushed to me to see what was going on.

"I think I gave birth" I said anxiously.

He did not believe me. But when I got up and felt with my hand at my vagina, I felt something hard. I felt the head! The head already came out! I quickly called my friend and in those few seconds that he turned around I had already given birth to our daughter. I was defeated for him, but our little girl in my arms.

Our child moved in the beginning, she lived. But I could see that she had trouble breathing. I tried to stimulate it. I wish she did not give up, that she continued. She was not allowed to leave me, but it did not help. Meanwhile my friend called to the emergency and said that they should come as soon as possible. I just hoped they were on time so that they could still save our maid. But they could not.

The nursing even indicated that it did not make any sense. Our maid was still too young and not viable.

I had to go to the hospital and lay there in a room. Luckily I was isolated from the other moms and I could regularly have my baby with me. Caress and caress her. After a while I was allowed to go home without our daughter. I missed her terribly. Even so bad that the hospital suggested that our daughter be at home with us to cremation. We did that and I could take her in my arms every day with a lot of love.

Through an old schoolmate I got the contact details of a photographer who took photos of deceased babies. I let this happen and I am still very happy with that. These beautiful photos are a beautiful memory for me, however short the life of my daughter has also lasted.


We named our daughter Alyana. And what a beautiful princess she was. I got a lot of support from Alyana, her father, my friend.I am very grateful to him for this and feel blessed with such a person by my side.

I hope that with my story I have also been able to help or support other women who have or have had difficulties with the loss of their child. It remains a terrible experience. And sharing this experience can help a bit.

Do you share this sadness or have you experienced the same and would you like to share this with others? Tell us your story and send it to redactie (@) mtnmedia.nl
Your experience is then placed in the experience blog of so pregnant.

Also read: Because happiness is not self-evident.

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