We have all had to deal with it. With something that is so beautiful, but actually one of the most insidious things in our lives: false hope. A better description is: hope for a miracle, but whether you are hoping for a miracle or a victim of false hope: the disappointment is just as great.
False hope is a trick that we all sometimes apply. A small means, or actually a step you take for the end station: giving up hope. It is a small escape from reality, in which we try to realize unrealistic dreams. And although we know somewhere that it will not work, we stick to it. Hold on for a moment. Because the miracles are not yet out of the world, right?
Wanting to become pregnant: a breeding ground for false hope
Very much like to want something is a true breeding ground for false hope. Getting pregnant is something like that. You want it so badly, that you take every excuse to think that it is finally that far. Now that I am trying to conceive, I am a king in creating false hope every month.
Especially now that I know the concept of 'implantation pain'. Because every stitch I feel in the period after our days 'in the bedroom' and for my next menstruation is suspect. And besides the small stitches that I feel, I am very alert to all other signs that are a precursor to a pregnancy.
Am I nauseous? Are my breasts painful? Do I smell better now than before?
All this is a vague combination of hope, false hope and something so eager that it frustrates you somewhere. And I know that I am not the only one. On all forums that I have visited, the women feel every peck in their bodies during the period of implantation and hope that it will be hit this month.
It is an annoying rollercoaster and somewhere you hope you were not really doing that.
My miscarriage full of false hope
The last time I got a heavy dose of false hope was just before I had to start my miscarriage with medication.
At my first ultrasound I was told that there was no fruit. Only an empty yolk sack.
I was so stunned and disappointed that it seemed as if I saw my dreams bursting apart before my eyes. My body did not make any effort to dispose of the yolk sachet itself, so I had to raise it myself. For this I had to make an appointment in the hospital. An echo was made again.
I did not receive the medication yet, but had to come back a week later. She first wanted to know for sure if there was really nothing in the yolk sachet. The chance was nil, but still ... Just for safety.
And then the false hope began to grow with me. Will there perhaps be something? Will I perhaps be pregnant? I knew deep down that it was impossible.
I told myself that I should not have hope, but my desire for a baby clouded reality.
Accept the truth
My midwife and the midwife in the hospital both indicated that there was really nothing. But: 'Rules are rules and we prefer to be certain for the uncertain'. I can still remember the way home so well. "No Rose, do not entertain hope." I said to myself. "There is really nothing. But still ... Maybe ... Maybe I am the one person out of 1 in 20,000 (I just call it a number) where there turned out to be a fruit '.
In the quarter that I was driving home I had created an alternative reality full of false hopes and stupid thoughts. I could have stayed in it, but in the meantime I learned. I have become older and wiser. I know how very false hope can build up and blow up until it is no longer a hope, but you really believe in it.
And when it really does not become as you had hoped, a disappointment feels like a blow from the darkness. The sadness is even greater. Bigger than if you had not created the false hope. Greater than if you had forced yourself to accept the unpleasant truth. So what I did then was to push away every thought, every temptation to create hope. There is no fruit, I have a miscarriage. Deal with it!
Support the victims of false hope
I write this piece because I have a lot of experience with splattered air castles where my false hope was the foundation. I could have saved myself a lot of pain if I had accepted what was so clear, but I did not want to hear.
From thinking that it was not a miscarriage, to close my eyes to the drinking problem of my dear brother. And hope he would come on top of it.
I did not hear and see what I did not want to see. And what I did not want to hear.
Do not fall in dear ladies. Do not let your life be led by false hope. Do not close your eyes to the hard truth. Do not hide from the here and now. And more importantly, the fire of false hope does not touch anyone else.
Let us all together in 2018 try to reduce the number of victims of false hope. Start with yourself. Let us be alert and help each other. Give hope to the other person only if there is a statistical probability above 10%.
And help the other in the other cases to prepare for the inevitable: The hard truth.
Do you remember when you were a victim of false hope? When you hoped something would happen, when you knew deep down that it was absolutely unrealistic?
Share your story so that we know how false hope can arise and what it can do.