Of course we all hope for a healthy baby and every baby is a small miracle. But still ... Maybe you hope your baby is a girl, or maybe a boy? And when you are told that the child has a different gender than you always saw before you may be disappointed about the sex of the baby are. Disappointment about gender is also called Gender Disappointment.
A small disappointment is not that bad and often disappears quickly. But sometimes the disappointment is so great that you have a lot of grief and perhaps even consider an abortion. Read more about Gender Disappointment here and tell us your opinion or your story!
Strong preference sex baby
It will not easily happen that the answer to the question: 'do you have a preference for gender' is a resounding 'yes'. Many people give the politically correct answer: 'If only it is healthy.' There are many more people who still have a strong preference for the sex of the baby than you think. And maybe, perhaps if you are very honest that you also have or have it yourself.
That it occurs more often than we think, does not mean that it always has major consequences. Usually the father or mother has a strong preference and can indeed be disappointed with the gender of the baby, but after a while that disappointment drops. Sometimes it is a matter of giving a place. If it does not drop during pregnancy, it will happen after the delivery. But in some cases the disappointment or gender disappointment can be so great that it controls your life.
Gender Disappointment, disappointed about the sex of the baby
Women who experience an extreme form of disappointment because of their gender go through a difficult period. That is mainly because it is a taboo. You will not openly tell anyone that you are deeply disappointed about the sex of your (healthy) baby. The sympathy of people will sometimes be hard to find. The result is that you stand alone and can not really talk to anyone and it will top up.
In addition, you will also suffer from feelings of guilt. Why can not you just be happy that you can become pregnant and are pregnant with a healthy child? There are plenty of couples who do not have this happiness. To make it all the more fun you have all those pregnancy hormones through your body vultures.
Gender Disappointment occurs anywhere in the world. Just think of India and China, many couples prefer a boy. In the past, the preference for a son was also present in the Western world, but after the 1970s or 80s this changed because women received more rights and were treated equally.
A process of mourning at Gender Disappointment
Women or men who have to deal with a very heavy disappointment about the sex have to do with a mourning process. People who are going to have children have a so-called family wish. This means that you will see a certain family for you in the future. Maybe with several children of one or more sexes. The family wish is not fulfilled if, for example, you dreamed of 2 children, but after the first child no longer succeeds in becoming pregnant.
People with Gender Disappointment also have an unfulfilled family wish. They saw a family with children of a certain gender and that dream never comes out. Then grief arises about what that will never come. In spite of this, these parents can still love the baby a lot and in the end everything is just okay. But the loss can always remain a bit
Why a preference for a particular gender?
When it comes to a big disappointment about the sex, there is often a very strong preference for the sex. And that preference is not because the person just wants to buy dresses for her daughter, or would like to play football with a son. Usually there is a deeper underlying reason. For example:
- Men or women would like to transfer their femininity or masculinity to a child of the same sex. For example, to continue the line of mother-grandmother-great-grandmother.
- Women may have had terrible experiences with men and therefore would prefer not to have a boy.
- For example, a couple lost a daughter and would therefore like to have a daughter again or not.
What to do about the disappointment about the baby's gender?
Women in particular can experience intense emotions if the sex of their unborn child is different from what they had hoped for. These emotions are further enhanced by the pregnancy hormones, sleep deprivation or stress. The annoying thing is that many women feel that they can not talk about it because there is a taboo on them. At the same time, they do not want to kick other people who, for example, remain unwelcome childless.
But not talking about it is never a good solution. If you feel that you can not go to anyone in your area, search for peers on the internet, talk to a professional or visit the Gender Disappointment website. You will soon notice that you are not alone.
Is your partner particularly disappointed about the gender of the baby? Then you can do the following:
- Listen to your partner without judging.
- Do not let the guilt become even bigger. Therefore show your understanding.
- Are you worried? Then switch on a professional.
Also read: Disappointed about the gender of your brother or sister.
Opting for abortion because of gender?
Sometimes the disappointment about the sex of the baby is so great that whether only the woman is considering aborting the baby.They think that they really can not love their child. This is very intense, of course, especially if the baby is just healthy.
What is your experience? Were you also disappointed about the gender of the baby? Share your story
We are very curious what you think of this. We would also like to hear your opinion on Gender Disappointment. Do you understand that some people have this feeling of disappointment? If you want to share your story, you can do so in our experience blog where you can share your experience about gender disappointment.