When I was about 5 weeks pregnant, I made an appointment for the first ultrasound. Normally you can visit this obstetric practice when you are 8 weeks pregnant. Because I had a miscarriage for this, I was allowed to come earlier in this new pregnancy. Already around 6 or 7 weeks.
I think that's a really good service, because I felt more fear for this first ultrasound than at the first time. At that time I did not have the experience of a miscarriage, and somewhere I assumed that something like that would not happen to me. And now that it happened to me, I knew the possibility was there. This science made me more anxious and nervous for this echo. That's why it's nice that you can come relatively early, then you're more relieved of that insecurity.
At my first pregnancy, by the time I had the first ultrasound, I had 3 maternity apps on my phone and my entire calendar was covered with post-its about the developments of my baby per week. I then also stepped out of the car, but nice tense. I remember saying to my husband: "Soon we will see our baby!". But we did not see that, we saw a stupid empty fruit bag. It was a slap in my face.
This time I had no maternity apps on my phone and there was no post-it in my calendar. This time I took it easy, I was awaiting and I tried to prepare myself for setbacks. I was so afraid to have a miscarriage again, to feel that disappointment again, that sadness, that loss again.
I braced myself on all sides. Ready to fight, ready to absorb my loss and find the strength to continue.
But through all the heavy clouds of fear and uncertainty I also felt a ray of hope. I had been much sick, tired and I still smelled different. I did not have these typical pregnancy ailments the first time and that made me realize that this time it might be different. That it would be good.
I can whine
Before we received the ultrasound we had to give our details first. It all took me too long. When the lady was gone for a moment, I looked at my husband tense. "I can whine," I said. 'I feel so tense'. My husband squeezed my hand. 'Good luck, I really think it's okay this time'.
After 10 minutes we were finally able to enter the room where the ultrasound was performed. "How do you feel yourself?" Asked the midwife. I had another lady this time. 'I think it's very exciting to be honest', I answered, hoping we could stop the conversation and immediately do that ultrasound. "Shall we start with the ultrasound?" She asked and I nodded with relief.
Once I lay down, she indicated that she was going to try it externally first. I honestly did not understand that. The chance that you immediately find something external is considerably smaller than if an internal echo is immediately chosen. Especially if you are only 7 weeks pregnant. I did not want to feel that tension first because she could not find it externally at first. Anyway. I had no choice.
But I was right: she did not find anything during the external ultrasound. Meanwhile my heart was in my throat.
Search for a heart
'Hmmmm'. The midwife moved with the echo head over my stomach. "No, I can not find anything in this way. We still have to do an internal ultrasound. ' I tried to keep breathing. My heart started to beat faster and faster. I took off my pants and lay down again.
My husband gently took my hand and nodded reassuringly to me. The echo head went in. I saw a gray / black mass on the screen. Feverishly I tried to search for my little embryo. The echo head went from left to right. I looked at the midwife's face to detect an emotion, but she was concentrating.
I finally heard her say. 'Ah there, yes I see something there'. I stared at the screen and only saw a black spot. 'True?' To my great surprise, on my other side, I hear my husband say. 'Yes there, right at the top'. I looked aside in amazement. What did he see ?!
After some zoom in, I indeed saw a small gray / white spot sitting in a black circle. "There's your baby," the midwife said. "Is the heart right?", I asked, still not completely reassured. "Yes, it certainly is true. Do you see something flashing there? That's the heart. "
A huge burden fell from my shoulders! I smiled from ear to ear and wanted to call my parents right away. The heart was right! There is a small baby! But there was no call yet. First our tiny child had to be measured a few times.
According to my midwife, I was only 6 weeks pregnant, but that did not really work out. She herself indicated that this was just an estimate. Then I received 100 leaflets about maternity care, NIPT, syndrome of down, breastfeeding and healthy eating.
During the conversation I also had to answer all sorts of questions about my medical history and that of my husband, who was sleeping in his chair by now. It took so long.
After an hour we were outside. With a suitcase from Woezel and Pip and a very happy and relieved Rose!