Questions to our unrest & sleep expert Stephanie Lampe

Stephanie is a baby sleeping and restless expert, sleep coach, baby whisperer and author of various books in this area. She is also founder of the Unsettled Baby Foundation. She is a mother of four, it is precisely the unrest in her daughters that gave Stephanie her mission: to give all the little ones a great start and to quickly resolve the unrest. Her Method Dream rhythm to help the little ones sleep in a loving way has helped more than 25,000 parents, is recommended by various caregivers and will soon be a certified training.

Do you have a troubled baby, do you suspect reflux, an allergy, something else? Is your baby plagued by cramps?
Does your baby sleep with your sleeping cages, do you not get a good rhythm or do you want to make a super start and know how to do this?
Then you can ask me your question. I would like to help you find a real solution, so that you make your baby a small sleeping cup.
Do you have a question for Stephanie? Place your question in the comment field at the bottom of the page. Stephanie will also place her answer there. In many questions, Stephanie chooses a few to treat. Is not that your question? Just try again!

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Unfortunately it is (temporarily) no longer possible to ask questions to Stephanie Lampe. You can still read the previous questions and answers. Perhaps your question is here between.

Our visitors asked her the following questions:

After a car accident with a baby of 8 weeks old after which now he is 7 months he is only very much crying in a car. What can we do about this? Do you have a suggestion?
Thanks in advance.

Answer
Troublesome ... It can of course be that your baby got some of it and therefore the car now associates with not nice. Of course you give the best comfort and security, try to help your baby. For example, by making car journeys if he is equipped and not already tired and sitting next to it instead of before it. Together in the back seat for example. You can first try this without having to drive. Later with someone else behind the wheel. Just let your baby experience that things are going well and can be fun. By taking him fit and not over-tired, things will go better. Later you can of course plan the car rides so that it is sleep time.

My daughter is currently almost 13 months and has generally been a quiet sleeper from the beginning. She always woke up after 1h of sleep and I could just give her her tutje, she turned her side and sat back in dreamland. What I normally call sleeping is knowing that there is a chance that she will wake up again or two at night, again to give the tutje and to go to sleep. There were nights when she slept through and woke up at 7:30 in the morning. I know that if she does not sleep well and wakes up more often, this usually has to do with an inconvenience, usually this is due to the airways, blocked nose or the like, but that goes over again. The strange thing is that after yet another respiratory tract infection she now sleeps worse and worse, even during the day the sleeps get shorter because she suddenly wakes up and starts to cry and sometimes even seems inconsolable. She does not even want her tutje anymore for a few days while that, along with her stuffed animal, normally offers the solution. I have the impression that she also had problems with dreams, so I often just stayed for a while next to her bed to reassure her. This helped, but now hardly anything works. When I take her, she even wants to squeeze out of my arms and looks like she's so angry that she can not sleep for whatever reason. I have to say that she also has a lot of zevert for 2 days so it could also be that they are arriving (she already has 8 teeth) ... I'm afraid I might give wrong signals by going to her so often but on the other hand I do not know how to comfort her in the long run. She needs her sleep and I see that she is tired, she has circles under her eyes and yet she does not manage to sleep through (at night she almost wakes up again every hour) ... If you have tips or a idea how this is coming I would like to hear it ... a troubled mommy ...

Answer
If your daughter has a respiratory tract infection, that of course causes problems. Anyway with good breathing. That may well be the cause of frequent waking up and also that she no longer wants her tutje. If this happens for a few nights, there is habituation again and she may also wake up because it is then rhythm. The best you hold on to your rhythm, so comfort and lay down again. If the weather improves with the airways, then this rhythm will help her to sleep through again. That she sleeps worse, also during the day, has to do with fatigue. You solve this by having better sleep, and in order to get it you have to get rid of the infection first and stick to the rhythm. Put her in bed on time and make sure she sleeps, if necessary by walking or carrying. If the problem has disappeared, you work on the rest and then you will return to the beautiful sleep rhythm.

My son is now 19 months and has always slept well from his 2 months to 12 months. Since then he wakes up at least once a night and then starts to cry / scream, he gets really hysterical. The only thing that helps is to put him between us, then he immediately falls asleep. This is not the solution, of course, but we have already tried everything and are desperate.

Answer
There can be all kinds of (growth) reasons why your little one suddenly wakes up at night. Also disease may well cause night-time unrest. That you comfort then is of course logical. The downside, however, is that if this is going on for a while, a few days has been around for a while, your toddler is getting a new sleep association with it. Namely: sleeping with the parents. A new habituation. Because of this, even if the cause of waking up is long gone, he will wake up from habit and then he will not be able to sleep any further because he now needs it for you.
The solution is to give him the right sleep associations and bring them back into a proper rhythm. You do this by not taking him to bed with you at night, but by comforting him, putting it down again and making it clear that it is night and that he has to sleep. Do not engage in an extensive conversation, keep it quiet. Go to him, but put him back in his own bed. That means the first few nights that you are really busy. Try to do this together with your partner and try to rest as much as possible. After a few days you will have to see the effect: is he to be comforted more quickly and eventually he will not wake up at that time.

I have a question about my 7-week-old baby
For the first 3 weeks he was a very quiet boy eating almost never crying and since 5 weeks he is weeping a lot, even though I have refreshed, nourished him, et cetera. I can not understand what the problem is
even sleeping does not work as well as it used to be, and I am tired of it.

Answer
It is very typical what your little one shows. The first week usually goes quietly and sleeping almost automatically. Then the unrest increases. This has to do with the development of your baby and also how sensitive he himself is to stimuli and the like. Because he becomes over-stimulated, he can sleep harder and harder. He probably sleeps well at night, but this will also be less if you do not do something now.
The solution is to keep a rhythm. A baby of 7 weeks old does 3 to 4 four daytime sleeping and can be up to 90 minutes awake. That means that if he wakes up in the morning, you put him back in bed within 60-90 minutes. Look at the sleep signals for the right moment, but be sure to put them in bed before the 90 minutes are up. Feeding you do after waking up. If you follow this like this, he will come to a rhythm within a few days and you will be able to see the signals better. He will therefore always sleep better and easier. You can also read more about this in the book Baby in a rhythm 😉

I have my 8 month old cousin in my home since 14 days, she is actually 6 months 2 months prematurely born now my cousin has done a suicide attempt 14 days ago which did not work but the little ones always wake up between 4 and 5 something to do with it because the first 3dagen they just slept through, or what I can do about it. happy to reply your friendly greeting julia fisherman

Answer
How good of you, that you have taken care of your niece. That is certainly not easy. With everything that has happened, the girl especially needs love and security. Babies feel everything flawlessly. In fact, in the first period, a baby thinks that they are the same as their mother, so the feelings have also been picked up. In addition, take the fact that of course she suddenly has another home and with another caretaker and you then lack security.
I advise you to follow a fixed rhythm: look carefully at the natural rhythm of your niece and create a predictable day. Put in bed in time, before she is really tired, and also wake up in bed. With the age of 8 months she will do two daytime sleeping and if she is still in the afternoon, possibly a short third sleep. Once you have that rhythm and she sleeps well during the day, you will see that she will do the nights well again. It is important that you do not feed again at night. Keep it calm and dark, comfort her, but put her down in bed again. Once she realizes that it is safe and good with you, she will trust and dare to sleep well again.
Goodluck!

I have a 3-year-old daughter who has not been asleep since New Year's Eve and wakes up panicking at night.
She does not want to fall asleep anymore, I have to stay there. I started to sit on the bed and continue to the door, and even further towards the stairs, while they used to go to sleep without any pardon or wake up. So tonight I spent three hours sleeping.
At night they wake up in panic and really panic
I become a bit despondent of a person who does not know what to do

Answer
How annoying that your daughter does not want to sleep anymore. You write that she has had trouble sleeping since New Year's Eve, what happened to her that night that frightened her? Was she afraid of the fireworks, for example? There is something that has made her anxious and she now associates them with sleep, there is a fear of falling asleep alone. That is why she does not want that anymore and that is why she is also awake panicky. This can only be reversed by giving her confidence again.
What you have already done is very good: you comfort, but let her lie in her own bed. Often, the child is left in the parental bed out of fatigue and then you are soon faced with the problem that your bed is no longer yours. The trick is idd what you do: there are, but more and more, the distance. So sit further and further away. Tell that you stay with it now and then leave like that. But that you will come later. In the beginning you can do this a few times, so she also sees that you will come back. This gives her confidence again and then slowly but surely will have to go better, you can take the removal steps ever faster. At that moment, panic-like awakening will also disappear. Lastly, make sure that your partner can comfort you and that doing so will not become something with which she can demand exclusive attention from mommy. In short: it must not become a means of power. Be loving, comforting, but guard the boundaries.
Success & hopefully it will be better soon.

Our son has a problem with his afternoon nap he 3 years and 3 months and does not want to do his afternoon nap so he can not stop at 4 o'clock and hey be busy and annoying because he is tired he goes to bed early and then sleep well. Is this a period or can we do something about it, you will not talk anymore with him no more concentration.
He is also not toilet trained just when he runs into his bloodje pee and he just pees on his jar and when his pants are on it goes wrong then he leaves everything running and does he think he has good tips?

Answer
Toddlers can be very stubborn. Suddenly they decide that they can do without an afternoon nap. While they actually need this rest. You often see that at the end of the afternoon they become very agitated, fretful and irritated. But sleeping ... they do not want that. Unfortunately, you can not impose sleep: a toddler should want it or not. And sometimes they can not do it physically either: then they are over sleep. What you can do best is just keep trying, follow the routine as you have it. Sometimes your toddler will go to sleep, the other time not. Just because he does not want to sleep on day 1 does not mean that you have to say goodbye to the afternoon nap: just try again the next day. Sometimes it's fine every day or a few times a week. That is fine too. Do not make a fight of it, because then your son will seize this moment to get attention. And negative attention is also attention. So make sure that you play with him exclusively in the morning, give really focused attention. Go through the rhythm and then bring him to bed. Does he not want to? Then you try to stay with it, to speak clearly (do not get angry). Still do not want it, it is. Will he be juggling at the end of the day? Then you can quietly go to bed earlier for the night if the afternoon nap has not been there. Half past seven, seven o'clock is fine.
In terms of cleanliness, each child has its own age and this is something that you can not enforce. A child just has to be ready for that. If, however, it becomes a struggle, you become angry: this can also become a 'means of power'. Just be nonchalant about it. An accident can happen. However, prize him in the sky if things are going well. Then he notices that it is more fun, everyone is happy with him, if things are going well! A potty calendar also wants to help: is it okay, stick a sticker. That's how you work with positive rewards.

My son is now 14 weeks old and from the age of 5 weeks the sleep is not going well. First he only wanted to sleep with us on the stomach / arm and he lay with me at night. Now he seems to have a lot of problems with his gut (have special food) and a blockage in his neck (being treated). Since 3 weeks he sleeps at night in his bed that is in our room. He falls asleep himself and sleeps from 12 to 7. During the day and the beginning of the evening are the problem now. He only sleeps in my arms. How can I deal with this? I have also tried Rita Blom's method, but that does not work for me, nor for my son. I hope you can help!

Answer
What you describe is a common problem. You see with most restless babies that they still sleep reasonably well in the first few weeks and that after a few weeks they will become less. At first, the dorms become a bit shorter and then it is very difficult to get your baby to sleep during the day. Later in the evening and at night they completely knock out of pure fatigue. That is only for a while, because in the end the night's rest is unfortunately going on. That is why it is important to work on a good sleep rhythm.
You describe the method Blom has tried and that it does not work for you. Fortunately, I actually say, because letting your baby cry, I am not in favor of that. It is unnecessary and not good. However, the core of this method is calm & regularity and that works well. You have to keep doing that and keep doing it, it is not something you can do one time and the other time, or something you can not forget after a few weeks. In short, it comes down to wake up-feed-play-sleep, where you pay close attention to the sleep signals and then put your baby awake in bed. With resistance, you go to your baby and you comfort him. The first days you have a full-time job there, but as the rhythm lasts, it should go better. You can consider baking, that gives security and sometimes wants to help you get into a rhythm faster. You can read more about this in my book Baby in a Rhythm, which is described elsewhere on this website, or on the website www.babyineenritme.nl.
Regularity works for over-tired and over-stimulated babies. It will not do much for the dike if there is an underlying suffering. If there are a lot of cramps, if his neck still bothering: that can throw a spanner in the works. However, the cramps may seem cramps, but also a result of crying and bad sleep. With pure over-fatigue and over-excitement, the pain seems to come from the belly, but that is not it. When crying a lot of air comes in, that can cause cramps.
The fact that your baby falls asleep at night shows that there is no torment in the game and that your baby has 'mama hunger' during the day or needs more help to learn how to sleep. Follow a rhythm, lay your baby awake in his bed and let him get used to sleeping at regular intervals. Is it difficult, he may well once you fall asleep on your arm, but do not make a habit of it, because then that has become the rhythm.
How do you get there? The easiest thing is to assume that young babies have a rhythm of about 90 minutes. So when your baby wakes up at 0700, he goes back to bed at 830. Here you can use the clock as a tool (not leading!), Especially look for sleep signals with your son. If you follow the day like this, a rhythm has to start with a week.
Hopefully you can get started right away. If you still need help, you can also look at the Stichting Onrustige baby.

Our son, now 6.5 months, has a rational sleep schedule from 3 months on which the day is divided. Incidentally, we have done everything on request, breastfeeding and sleeping, but a rhythm of sleeping, waking up, feeding, activity, in bed with fatigue signals. From 4 months he has woken up in his afternoon sleep of approx. 1 1/5 a 2 hours, after 3 quarters of an hour. Previously, he slept on his own strength again. Since 3 weeks, he wakes up crying / screaming. Then I go to him, give him a kiss and repeat this every 3 minutes if necessary. He does need sleep. How is this and what can I do for him?

Answer
It seems that your son is busy growing and flowering. Then it 'suddenly' can turn over without a real reason. Since you are following a rhythm very well, looking carefully at the fatigue signals and there was also nothing wrong, there is probably nothing strange going on.
It may be that he makes a leap, is growing.Or that he has something among the members, which you should really notice in a few days. Because of our great summer, more people and children suffer from it at the moment, so it could be good. Often you also see that when things are changed, the situation is changed, you are surprised and at a given moment you are also in the hair with your hands. You do nothing else, so why is it different? The answer here is to have patience and be there when he needs you. After a week it should be better again and you will probably also see that your son has learned new things and / or has grown. 'I grow' has nice information about that.
In the meantime you can see if you can comfort him with him and put him down for a bit longer or let him sleep a little extra when he is clearly tired. If he does not want to sleep, just continue with the rhythm and keep a close eye on the sleep signals. Probably his normal schedule is hard to find, but this comes back into balance.
Good luck!

I have a question about my 15-month-old son. He has been very restless since birth. Usually after 1 or 2 hours of sleep, he wakes up panic and is then difficult to calm down. He then has to cough a lot and sometimes even some farmers. There will never be anything with it, so I do not think about reflux. His nose almond has already been removed because it was always inflamed, ears look good only a lot of grease.
This ensures that we have to go up 5-6 times every night to reassure him. Now this problem also reveals itself in the night. Every night between 3 and 5. The only way to calm him down is to give him a bottle. Now I am not in favor of that because I am afraid of habituation, but yes, need (read sleep) breaks laws ...
Consultation agency does not know, including pediatrician and general practitioner. We have to deal with it .... Hopefully you have tips to create a healthier sleep rhythm for all of us ...

Answer
Reflux does not occur so much above the age of 1 year. But the fact that your son is coughing, is boating ... does point a bit in that direction. There is no need to come with it, he can also swallow it back. Sometimes, however, there is a connection between 'acid' and the ears. Since you see a lot of grease in the ears and your son already has an 'ENT history', I wonder if the ears were looked at by a doctor? Perhaps there is inflammation. That would explain his behavior. Drinking gives consolation and of course also does something with the ears through the movement. Please note, however, that you do not give the bottle too often: too much bottle powder is not good. Try to comfort your son in other ways. Please do not settle for the 'diagnosis' that you have to deal with. A baby or toddler is not uneasy for nothing. I would certainly raise this with the GP and if necessary ask for a second opinion.

My son of 15 months had the first few months of his life very affected by rising stomach acid, to his throat and then he swallowed it back, so we have until he was about six / seven gastric acid inhibitors of the pediatrician , with that and after that it is a lot better. However, this period I always had to walk with him until he slept. Lying crying caused bad stomach acid and upset crying. The problem now concerns getting to sleep. When I put him in bed, he immediately starts to cry and is not calm. When I leave, he continues to cry and makes himself so upset that I hear some belching again, which makes him cry even harder and I am back with him. must walk until he sleeps. However, someone else brings him to bed (with the same ritual) nothing wrong! Sometimes Dad succeeds too, if he should cry again and then get regurgitated, yes, then mommy again! He probably now thinks when I take him to bed: when I'm crying, Mom is walking with me. But in reality I do so because he gets completely upset and gets regurgitated. Actually he has to go to bed without crying, then things are going well, but how are we supposed to do this? Sometimes Daddy gets him to bed, he throws his cuddle out of bed and that's the reason for the start of crying.

Answer
It seems that your son is accustomed to falling asleep with you, that he needs it to actually go to sleep. The fact that he will sleep well when someone else puts him in bed shows that nothing else is going on: the reflux does not tease him and he is also able to fall asleep himself. That he gets completely upset if you just leave him is a piece of character. And from that crying come the regurgitation. It might be an idea to let Dad do it a bit more, until your son gets into an easier rhythm and accepts the bed immediately. That is not always feasible and you will have to be consistent yourself. Be comforting, do not let him get upset because he will not sleep at all, but then lay down again. Sometimes you can gradually leave: put down and stay with it, keep getting further away. After a few days it should be better. You can also check if you can put him in bed before. Getting angry sometimes is also a bit of fatigue. Try to put it down a quarter of an hour earlier.

It concerns my 4 year old toddler with sudden sleep problems. In the last 4 years we have never had problems sleeping our son, until the last few months from one moment to another he has developed a panicky fear before going to sleep. for us inexplicably originated.There has not been a single thing that we can explain his sudden fear.we have tried everything without any lasting change.we are at the end.

Answer
Toddlers can sleep worse due to all sorts of things. Sometimes due to larger changes, sometimes due to small disruptions and sometimes to something that you do not know is playing. And sometimes simply because angry dreams tease your little one. You write that something special has not happened that can cause the unrest. That is, of course, all right. You could look, talk to your toddler, or maybe something small has happened at school o.i.d. what keeps your toddler busy. And maybe there have been nightmares. But even if you can not put your finger on the sore spot, you can simply talk to your toddler and explain that sleep is fine. Be there for him, during the day give some extra time, love and attention and do this when you go to bed. Give him security and security. Then it often comes naturally.
Goodluck!

My daughter of almost 4 months often sleeps too short during the day. After 45 minutes she wakes up, but usually I can make sure she sleeps for another 45 minutes. Because of this she still falls short of sleep. We cook her, she has a special diet against cow's milk allergy and she has medication against reflux. She also does not sleep in the stroller.
Can you give me tips to sleep longer and maybe sleep in the stroller?

Answer
As you read, your daughter does a lot of crabs. 45 minutes is exactly 1 sleep cycle in young babies and it happens regularly that they wake up again after a round. Not that they are then slept, because actually there is a second round. This is something that not all babies do automatically and what your daughter simply has to learn. That comes naturally, provided of course you make loving adjustments (that is, do not let cry, offer comfort and resign). You already do that and the fact that she sleeps for another 45 minutes is already a huge profit! Hold on to a rhythm, keep swaddling in for a while (until she tends to roll over), put the bed a little or put some towels under the mattress of the pram against the reflux. Does she sleep too short and does she no longer want to sleep? Then you can go hiking or wear, iig pick up the rhythm again and then you put her back in bed.
At this age you can keep a wake-up time of 90 minutes. That means she is back in her bed 90 minutes after waking up. About 10 minutes before it is about time, make her calm and ready for the sleep. Take a good look at your daughter, the sleep signals she gives. The clock is of course never leading but can be a helping hand. Sometimes babies do not seem tired but once they have been put down, they sleep immediately. If you put them down later, they will sleep more difficult or sleep short. Putting her in bed earlier can then ensure that she does better sleeps. Try this every day at about the same time, see if you can find a rhythm in her schedule.
Good luck!

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