In the hands of a loverboy ...
She looked at him with love. He wanted to continue with her! He wanted to choose completely for her. And of course she wanted to help him. If you love each other, nothing is too crazy and nothing goes too far. She found it difficult, having sex with others, she would rather have sex with him. But if she could help him with it, the future would be open to them.
A future with him ... her heart made a leap. Her big love ...! Her lover! Her loverb ...
How powerless do you stand as a parent, versus a loverboy. You see your daughter slide, you see it happening under your eyes, but the more you warn her, the greater the chance that she will flee into the arms of her loverboy. And then you really lost her ...
Loverboy, the name still has something nice, but a loverboy is nothing but another name for pimp or human trafficker.
How do you recognize the first signals?
Your daughter will not run out of the house one at a time to go to her loverboy. This is preceded by a period, a time in which you may already be able to pick up certain signals. Perhaps she is going to dress more drastically, or is she going to make herself heavier? Maybe she reacts more emotionally and does she suffer more from crying? Is she more difficult to approach and is she increasingly withdrawing in herself?
Emotionally intense period
Of course this does not mean that when your daughter behaves in this way, this automatically means that she is or threatens to become a loverboy; she is also in her puberty and that is in any case an emotionally intense period. With emotional behavioral changes, however, it is always wise to try to keep talking with her and to keep the conversation 'open' (and therefore not in the reproachful atmosphere).
Checklist for the wrong friend
If you are talking to your daughter, you can ask her specific questions that can also make her think.
Does he have a lot of money? Does he wear expensive clothes and / or does he have the latest gadgets? How does he get this money? Does he ever ask for something to do before the webcam? Is he trying to put her under pressure? Has he ever tried to take out a loan in his name or a telephone subscription? Does he know girls who work in prostitution or does he ever talk about this? Has he ever taken her to the red light district? Has he ever talked about putting a tattoo on her body?
Of course it does not mean that someone with a lot of money, who knows someone who is in prostitution, automatically has wrong intentions, but it should make you vigilant.
Looking for the background
As a parent, you can of course also start researching the background of the new love of your daughter. Try to find as much information as possible. This can be done by asking specific questions, but of course also via the internet. Where did she get to know him? Does she also know his family? Is he working? Does he suffer from mood swings? Has she ever caught him in a lie? Does he act in drugs or weapons? Does he ever talk negatively about people who are important to her? Are he trying to free himself from her loved ones?
How does a loverboy work?
He will spoil his potential victim and give him the feeling that he is crazy about her. He wants to continue with her, together. Without interfering parents, friends or family. 'You only need' each other '. You together with the rest of the world. "
He will give her presents, treat until the moment that it changes. Then he suddenly turns out to have a financial problem. Whether she wants to help him. In the meantime she is in love with her ears. Of course she wants to help him. This does not only have to be with prostitution, this can also happen with drug trafficking or arms trade or whatever illegality.
He is unscrupulous, has even psychopathic traits, he easily responds to her feelings. He will make sure that her life is a hell. He has everything planned, so is always - in mind - many steps further than she ... He blackmails her with sexual recordings from the webcam or photo, which she has made out of love for him and promised to keep it for himself. And when her love for him disappears, she is just as easily threatened, raped or abused.
A loverboy is nothing more than a human trader. They recruit their victims everywhere. At schools, train stations, youth institutions, internet, discotheques or on the street.
Without wanting to be stigmatizing, the perpetrators are 89% of foreign origin, 37% of whom are of Moroccan origin. The age is between 16 and 30 years, they usually do not have more education than high school, have a smooth chat and start with criminal behavior at a young age.
They are cunning, cunning and violent. They not only have their victims physically in their power (violence) but also mentally. Their victims are deliberately chosen.
In recent years you also see more and more the commitment of lover girls. She is used by the loverboy to recruit new girls. It could just be that girlfriend, to whom she has told all her secrets.
Sometimes video recordings are made of a rape. The victim is drugged and later confronted with the images and blackmailed.
Who are the victims?
Loverboys focus on girls, young adult girls and adult women. They respond to their sensitivity and vulnerability. Initially by making them dependent on their 'love' and then by keeping them in check with violence and / or blackmail.
A loverboy has no empathic ability, nor does he respect the fellow man or feeling in destroying someone else's life.
His victims are mostly beautiful girls / women in which origin, age and education often play no role.
For 64%, the age of the victims is between 18 and 24 years. The victims are often still in puberty and do not yet dare to stand up for themselves. They can have problems at home, which makes them even more vulnerable and it often happens that girls are from broken families.
It is of course a death worker, but prevention is obviously better than cure. The biggest danger is often hidden on the internet, the social media. To deal with this carefully, sometimes a lot of suffering can be prevented.
Keep an eye on the surfing behavior of your children and discuss the following tips with them:
- Use a nickname (and not your own name)
- Shield your profile as much as possible
- Carefully place your content (everything can always be found)
- Be careful with tags (things can more easily lead a life of your own, because your message can also be read by others)
- Be critical of 'friends' and only add people who you actually know
- Never speak to someone you have never seen before
Also listen to the song: the Digi tips from Digipiet Here you will find even more tips on internet use.
Did you know that 88% of the selfies (photos & video) are shared on the internet? Something thus quickly leads a life of its own. Sharing sexually tinted photos and videos is punishable. If you send it yourself from someone younger than 18, you yourself are also punishable. If you are older than 12, you will be prosecuted for this (child pornography). You will never come back from a criminal record with a sex offense.
|Sexting||spreading sexually-tinted photos and messages about the internet (via mobile, tablet or computer)|
|Grooming||The risk of coming into contact with people who have wrong intentions via social media|
Most beautiful chick from the web
Does your daughter have (had) a Loverboy? She does not have to be ashamed of anything. Love is an intense emotion and sometimes makes you less alert. She wanted to believe that he was as sincere as she was. The reality hurts. You want to close your eyes for that. Give her the feeling that she does not have to be ashamed of anything! Seek help, even if they do not want to file a report, the police can offer you protection. For example, they take her to a safe place or in contact with the right aid agencies.
You can find more information on the Slachtofferwijzer.nl website.
Do not be shy, she deserves to be happy and to be treated with respect and lovingly. He is wrong, not she.