The risks of day care versus safe bonding
Before and after school care, daycare, childminder care (grandmother with diploma) babysitter or au pair, there are all the possibilities that are present to accommodate your child when you work as a parent. The outsourcing of care and upbringing to another has become normal nowadays. It is simply impossible to escape from ever-changing changes in society.
As parents, you are often obliged to work both to keep their heads above water. Especially in this time!
Even if one salary is sufficient, it is understandable that you want to continue to develop as a parent and stay active in the labor market.
We are happy with the time that 'mother the woman' automatically stayed home to take care of the children and hubby brought in the money.
But in the first years of your child's life you should not do this both full-time. With that you do not have enough of your child. In addition, it's just not fun when Annie from the nursery is the one who sees the very first smile of your daughter. The first years of life are decisive for a child, in terms of attachment and certainty. You can not repeat these years and you can not achieve secure adhesion automatically. All children have an attachment relationship with their caretakers but children who are not securely attached to life often experience learning or relationship problems, are difficult to approach and develop a low self-esteem. Here they will experience the rest of their (adult) life.
A baby needs a primary educator, this does not necessarily have to be the mother (!). In addition, a small number of secondary educators of which the other parent is most important. This in order to feel safe and to function well later on. The degree of availability of mostly mum, her quick and adequate way of responding to the child, her loving and reassuring handling, ensure that an emotionally healthy child is produced. A child who has confidence in his educators and the world around him.
The four attachment styles
1 Attached securely
If a child is left alone in a strange environment, the child becomes upset. Where is mommy? The child reacts positively, seeks protection and safety from the educator when it returns. With a securely attached child, the balance between proximity seeking and exploration is in balance. In other words; if the child is anxious it will find the proximity of mum, if it feels comfortable, it explores the environment or engages in a game.
2 Avoiding attachment (unsafe attachment)
These children will explore their environment at the moment the educator leaves the child. They conduct independent and intensive research. If mother returns, they avoid her. Sometimes mother is totally ignored. The child repels the educator and is emotionally unbalanced. Often these children go wrong for an independent early. The child's strategy is that he no longer appeals to mother for fear of rejection, attachment behavior is minimized.
3 Resistant / ambivalent attached (unsafe attached)
These children are almost inconsolable. On the one hand they cling to the educator crying when they want to leave them. On the other hand, they are angry and disappointed and show defensive behavior when the educator returns. They hardly play and have no interest in the environment. The strategy that these children have developed is to maximize attachment behavior, where the anger functions as a punishment for the parent.
4 Anxiously disorganized attachment (unsafe attachment)
With these children you can see the three forms mentioned above. It is fairly unpredictable how the child reacts. It seems as if these children have conflicting expectations about the availability of the educator or are afraid of the educator. It seems as if the parent's proximity increases the stress in the child rather than decreases. In the case of previous abuse you see both defensive and avoidant behavior.
How does secure adhesion work?
Phase 1 0 to 3 months
The baby sends out signals soon after birth such as laughing, crying, expressions of the eyes. These signals do not yet point the baby at a fixed person.
Phase 2 3 to 6 months
The baby reacts more positively to the attention of a specific person, but this preference is not very clear. In principle, everyone would be able to fulfill the role of permanent supplier with some difficulty.
Phase 3 6 to 8 months
The first attachment occurs. The child indicates by means of movement and signals to want and keep the attention of a regular person. Mostly mom. The loss of this permanent person causes a severe separation anxiety. Uniqueness is a nice proof that a secure bond has been established.
Phase 4 from about 3 years
In this phase the child can empathize with the person to whom it is attached and can take this into account. The child can now adjust or postpone goals because it has a kind of awareness of the connection with this person. This awareness exerts an influence on adhesion in an abstract way.
Risks day care
The day care of babies in the first years is a controversial topic! Not for parents who do the care largely for themselves and who have their child to spend a few days. There is nothing wrong with that and it is actually conducive to baby's development as long as they are permanent caretakers! But for parents who drag their baby to her for full-time work. Whose baby spends more hours in the day care during the week than at home. Who sees different faces over his bed. Parents who want to cram a child between their daily work, meetings, sports, nights out with friends and their hobbies. Baby must walk along in the tight schedule whether it wants it or not. In the weekend, baby is brought to grandparents because the parents have to be able to refuel after a hard week. And baby may stay asleep immediately because in the evening there is a party where they can not be missed.
Previous research (Belsky 2001) shows that there are risks associated with very young age, starting with frequent and continuous day care. The negative effects are underestimated by parents or they are not sufficiently informed. When a newborn baby spends his days in daycare, with constantly changing carers, it is more likely to be insecure with his parents. How lovingly the care and how high the quality of the shelter is, still brings risks. A poor-quality shelter is completely disastrous and causes major behavioral problems. It used to be thought that your child would become assertive and independent if it did not last for Mommy's skirt all day long. It is now known that it can lead to later problem behavior if the young child always has to deal with other carers. They risk being more dependent, jealous, attention-seeking, aggressive, disobedient and difficult to handle.
Unsuitable for brain development
Psychologist and educationalist Steve Biddulph (2011) thinks that childcare under the age of two is even unsuitable for brain development. "The healthy development of the child's cerebral cortex depends on loving one-on-one care. It is economically wise to give young parents more time for their upbringing because it will prevent socially deformed young people from filling our schools, streets and workplaces. "
You can not expect a newborn baby to adapt to the parents. Parents must be aware of the fact that having a child brings with it a total revolution. It is an awkward creature that you as a parent have to anticipate. So you need to provide love and attention for your child, a secure bond and a quiet environment. Even if this means that you have to work part-time for a number of years and do it with less income. Before they decide to have children, parents should think about it better. You get the best reward in return! Namely a spiritually healthy and safely attached child!