They are back again, the three times R van Rust, Regularity and Cleanliness. Our grandmothers and mothers clung to this and nowadays you are not a good mother if you do not apply the three times R or fill in your way.
You are tapped on your fingers and you should not complain about your crying baby because then you have finally caused your baby to cry or become over-stimulated. Three times R is elevated to the only correct way of dealing with your child and deviating from it, seems to have become a mortal sin!
Our grandmothers and mothers did not know better, they listened obediently to the authorities and just let their baby cry in bed upstairs.
They had learned that a baby could cry herself asleep and they did not know guilt about it. Baby was washed, fed and cuddled with, so now it was time to sleep. They took the crying for granted. You almost did not hear this downstairs because a baby monitor did not exist yet and mother had better things to do than to pay attention to the crying of the baby. Just think of washing the cotton diapers by hand (!), Hanging on the clothesline of all the laundry and all the other household jobs she had to deal with because this was her job.
Now you have just washed, fed, and cuddled your treasure. Now you notice that he is tired and you bring him to bed. Nice tuck in, music on and you gently close the door.
Downstairs you also want to continue with the household, but first you turn on the baby monitor. The screaming is deafening! Your little darling is pretty upset. Your heart starts to beat faster again and you think to yourself: Here we go again! Yet you start your tasks because you can not walk straight up. You would disturb his regularity! The crying has become so bad after 5 minutes that you too are almost crying out of misery and desperation. After 10 minutes you do not keep it anymore and you fly upstairs. Your little darling has a bright red head of screaming and is totally panicked. You quickly get him out of bed and keep him sobbing against you.
And there you stand: yourself from the nerves to comfort your little one who is still severely nagging. The tears are also rolling over your cheeks, you have been to him so often tonight and have not had a decent night's sleep for weeks. And your little man is crying and crying. Only down nicely against you on the couch you both get a little calmer.
You start to doubt: should I have left him? But if he is so panicked, can not I leave him to his fate? Would he eventually have fallen asleep himself? You do not know and that makes you so insecure. And you can hardly think clearly because of the fatigue. What now rest and regularity?
Rest for a baby is important, everyone agrees. But rest does not automatically mean that your crying baby is left alone in his room to cry! Rest means:
- Avoid excessive stimulation.
- Meeting your baby's sleep needs.
- Mama's safe proximity.
- Inner peace of mommy.
Is the house full of maternity visits that always want to hold your baby? Then pull back from the crowd and keep your baby nice to yourself. Avoiding excessive stimuli also means a lot less toys in the box and no brightly colored mobile with sound above it. No radio or TV to the whole day or a phone that rings at every turn.
And if your baby prefers to fall asleep in the box or travel cot, sleep well.
The sleeping needs of each baby is different and with a crying baby this is just less than with other babies. If your baby sleeps better in the travel cot next to your bed than in his own room, just do it. You reach inner peace by accepting that you have a crying baby. Take a good look at your baby who needs you so much. Follow your feelings and comfort when you want to comfort. You certainly do not blame your baby for crying and you are certainly not doing anything wrong.
This little mini-bed is just coming out of your warm belly, he needs you very much to feel safe and attach. Stop fighting and oppose by following all well-meaning imposed rules, but go with the flow of your baby. Because it passes once, the many cry and now you have to make the best of it. All others can wait. So do not go as a tornado in the household when your baby sleeps for a while but then also rest yourself! Or together! Make a virtue of necessity: is your baby fond of walking because the movement of the stroller brings him to rest? Go hiking a lot and get a few groceries every day instead of once a week a lot. So you come every day outdoors and the movement is taken along nicely for your condition. You can also go along with a friend on the way back.
By keeping track of 'regularity' many mothers get the idea that they have to watch the clock all day long. Most mothers translate this to: feeding at fixed times. If something goes wrong, they feel rushed because the regularity is disturbed. But with a crying baby the whole regularity of your family is already disturbed! Regularity is not a clock scheme in which the whole family has to adapt to the newborn. 'Oh dear, we are late with food and then he has to be fed up and fed, then it will be too late for him, then we will leave the bath tonight.'
Dear mothers, a baby can not watch a clock! What is important for a newborn baby are recurring actions that are familiar to him. Regularity means:
A pattern of activities that is repeated: at first awakening, then feeding, then cuddling and afterwards quietly putting away in the box for example. Then, at the first signs of fatigue, put the baby back in its own cot or carrycot, put it firmly and firmly and let it go to sleep. And time after time, you also develop a certain expectation pattern with your baby.
With a crying baby you have probably already tried everything to let your baby sleep. From travel cot to bouncer and from his own bed to the stroller in the hall. To bring in regularity now, choose the way that felt best for you and your baby so far. From this way you will not deviate from this! You often hear that moms choose the travel cot because it is mobile. Fine! You do not have to go upstairs every time because you are immediately ready to comfort. At night the carrycot can stand next to your bed so that your voice or touch might be sufficient if he starts to cry. The advantage is that you do not have to leave your bed.
But ... this also does not change the next time, whatever you choose! And this is also regularity with which you reduce incentives and make yourself more pleasant in this period.
We can be brief about cleanliness: Hygiene is of vital importance to a baby because newborns are vulnerable to their resistance. Bathing your little one can be too much stimulation for a crying baby. They get wet, cold, have to be lathered, dried up and dressed again. What a hassle all. The whole badge event that can be so cozy turns into a disaster because your baby chooses to cry.
But it can be so different! Prepare a nice warm bath and make sure the room is dim and you are not disturbed. Slowly lower your little one into the water. And do nothing else. Let him calmly get used to the water and talk to him gently. This moment is for you together. Take the time for this, it can take a while before he indulges and relaxes. Let your little one float and you'll be silent together. Finally you can gently rub it in with baby oil. Almost all babies find this way blissful!