Toddler puberty - How do you deal with this?
You have packed your things and your coat is already on. All you have to do is put your child in the car, and then you can leave! Just in time for that important appointment. You take your child's coat and ask the rhetorical question: 'Are you going with mom?' and you already bend over to put on his coat. But then your toddler says hard: "No!" Surprised you blink your eyes at this unexpected resistance.
And while your toddler is staring at you defiantly, it slowly dawns on you: the No phase has begun.
Toddler puberty and No phase
The No phase is one of the most important symptoms of the toddler's puberty. Other symptoms are tantrums, mood swings, glands and beatings. With most children, this phase begins around the second birthday, but with some children already around their first. On average, the toddler premiere ends around the fourth birthday.
From angel to dangle
Why does your angel suddenly change into a dangling? That has everything to do with the development of your child. In the toddler puberty, your toddler discovers that he is a person of his own. By contradicting you and saying no to everything, your toddler declares his independence. If you look at it like this, the toddler's puberty is actually one big declaration of independence. Your child is not annoying to bully you, he is just working hard with growing.
To understand why your child finds it necessary to thwart you constantly, you can do a simple exercise *.
Just go with your attention to your left arm. Unless your toddler just put his teeth in, you will not feel that much. But now push hard with your right hand. Suddenly you are very much aware of your left arm. And so is it for your toddler: by offering resistance to you and saying no, he feels his own self!
* exercise by Monika Kiel-Hinrichsen, author of 'No, I do not want to.'
Saying no is exciting for your child
Saying no is very exciting for your toddler. After all, you are the most important person in his life, and deep in his heart he likes to do you a favor. Even many adults find it difficult to do something that they know their parents would disapprove of. But to make it clear that he is his own person, he must disagree with you.
In fact, sometimes your child does not even agree with himself. For example, he may want to ask for macaroni and then say no to it.
Although your toddler's vocabulary grows enormously in this phase, words regularly fall short in your child. For lack of words, or out of frustration, he puts it on a shout or let himself go in a tantrum.
How do you deal with your transverse toddler?
Life with a no-shaking toddler is not always easy. Sometimes you as a mother want to scream yourself. Fortunately, there are a number of things you can do to make it easier for your child and yourself. Enter, as it were, a partnership with your toddler. Ultimately, after all, you want the same thing: that it becomes itself! Within this partnership you are in charge, and you offer the safe limits within which your toddler can grow and practice.
Prevention is better than cure
In the toddler puberty applies: prevention is better than cure. Therefore, try to avoid situations that lead to confrontations as much as possible. For example, if you do not want your toddler to play clay with flowers from your favorite plant, then simply set it high. And do not go shopping at the end of the day if your child is tired and obliging. Just think about how you feel when you put that cute Ikea Billie bookcase together, and you do not understand the instructions, screws are missing and whatever you do, it looks more like a table than a bookcase? Many throw the book in a corner, or kick the unwilling bookcase. This is how your toddler feels when he wants something very well, but can not manage it.
Clarity and predictability
A clear, predictable daily schedule and routine prevents many no. If your child knows that he always goes to bed after dinner, the chance of protest is smaller. Within this daily schedule you then give your child the space and opportunity to make his own choices and to practice his own self. You do that by offering him limited options, that is to say he can choose between two or three options.
For example, do not ask: "Do you want to go to bed?" but offers him a choice: 'Do you want to go to bed after Sesame Street, or after dinner?' This gives your child the feeling that he has something to crumble and you avoid his no. You can also save yourself a lot of annoyance by avoiding as many as possible questions that can be answered with no!
Not everything is worth a conflict
Sometimes your child just says no, just because he likes it and wants to see what happens. Then check for yourself if his no is worth a conflict. For example, if you wanted to go for a walk, that might be possible later. In that case, hardly respond, so that he is not rewarded for his no.
In the supermarket
But sometimes you are suddenly the unwilling protagonist in the famous 'toddler with a tantrum in supermarket' scene. Then stay calm and keep your footing. Let your child notice that you understand him, and sympathize with him, but at the same time indicate your limit.
"You want to have that jumbo bag of chips, do not you? It is annoying that we do not buy them, but mum thinks it is unhealthy. If you have your birthday, you can do it. ' If that does not work then use the short attention span of your child and point it to something else. "Look at what beautiful green, healthy apples!" If that does not help, then clearly take the lead and indicate that no is not an option in this case. Say in a calm, determined tone: "You must now listen to Mama," take your child calm and controlled and put it in the car.
After a tantrum or intense confrontation your child is vulnerable. Cuddle your child and say that you are happy that he is calm again.
Time out for yourself
If you get stains in front of your eyes of frustration and have already bought the rolls of wallpaper to stick your child behind, take a time out for yourself. A nice exercise that you can do to calm down is with a balloon. Take a balloon and slowly breathe in through your nose for five seconds. Then you blow air into the balloon for five seconds. As you do, imagine that you are blowing all your anger, annoyance and frustration into the balloon. Chances are your toddler is interested in what mom is doing and forget to be bothered. When the balloon is full you can symbolically pierce it, possibly together with your toddler.
See the humor
Try to see the humor of it if your child says no for the hundredth time that day. In any case, you do not feed a jackpecker! And try to be proud of his growing self-awareness.
And rest assured: one day the no of your child will be yes again.