Pamper: scoring in the short term?
"Mom, I want an ice cream! Maham, I want an ice cream now, "cries little Katja. Her mother no longer knows what to do with the situation. She prefers to keep a foot on her feet and not to buy ice cream for Katja, but she also knows what the consequences will be. Katja will scream uncontrollably and scream and be inconsolable. And oh well, she has not flogged so much today, and it's pretty hot too. Why not actually. 'Ice cream, I can have an ice cream with 2 scoops of strawberry ice cream.'
The mother gives Katja the ice cream. The little girl looks dissatisfied at her ice cream. 'Where is the whipped cream? I want cream on my ice! ... '
Spawn and look sweet
Children have innate talent for manipulating adults. Paaien, sweet look, they know exactly. And we sometimes only like to kick in, if only to get rid of the whining.
Everyone spoils his child sometimes. With attention, an extra candy, its meaning or a gift without a good reason for it. The feeling behind this can always be different. At one moment you give up easily due to lack of time, the other moment you just want to be liked and sometimes your consistency, especially in supermarkets, is put to the test where all shelves at children's eyes are mainly filled with products that are directly imported seem to be from Cockaign Land. When it is rare, there is not much going on, but when you structurally pamper your child, you often achieve a counterproductive effect.
Because of vague limits and lack of adequate guidance, children become demanding and can get a distorted self-image of themselves and the world around them. Other children will turn against him and teachers will increasingly start to be irritated by the misbehavior of this child. However, inappropriate behavior is not limited to childhood but it can even continue to work later in life, because these children do not know how to deal with frustrations and adversity in their adult life. This can manifest itself among other things in difficult relationships with others, financial problems and even difficulty in retaining a job. They can become adults with low self-esteem, anxious and depressed. And of course you do not want to do that to your child!
Different forms of pampering
There are different ways you can spoil your child. Of course there is the material indulgence where children get presents, sweets and gadgets in abundance. Even without asking for it.
Then there is the pedagogical pampering, where limits are not or hardly indicated. This means the child does not learn to deal with limitations. This can be expressed in no sense of norm, too anxious, often dissatisfied and takes little account of others.
Third, there is affectionate pampering. A sweeping way of pampering where the parents shower the child with love and attention. Often this form of pampering arises from the fear of losing the love of the child.
Difference between loving and pampering
Of course you can give your child something extra every now and then, there is nothing wrong with that. Special attention and doing fun things together, an extra treat, nothing wrong with that. Where things go wrong is when the rules are not clear and not consistent with agreements. When your child is still overloaded with your love, when he misbehaves. You can reward your child positively if he has done something good, but not because he is nagging.
It is best to make exceptions
Of course you can also sometimes jump out of the band, but do it dosed and under certain circumstances. Does it snow late at night or in the middle of the night? Take your child out of bed, dress it warm and enjoy each other with this moment! They do pick up that sleep once again, but this is a moment that he will never forget. This moment will stay with him better than all those gifts that 'just' are given to him.
There are certainly risks associated with pampering. By setting too few limits your child can not learn how to deal with boundaries, while he will still run into the rest of his life. If you want to prepare children well for the future, you also have to confront them occasionally with discomfort. They should try their best to solve their problems themselves, just that way you learn them to fill their own beans and they have something to their entire life.
You never pamper yourself in the interests of a child. An adult has much more benefit (especially at the time) because it often saves time. However, it is not conducive to the independence of a child but also not for its development. After all, he is inhibited in natural growth. In addition, the environment also has more problems with the child and will therefore behave differently in relation to the child.
How do you recognize that your child is spoiled?
If a child takes it for granted that he 'just' gets something, or is disappointed with a small gift. Or how he reacts if you refuse something. Maybe he bursts out in anger? Is he having trouble sharing? Are there complaints from the environment about his behavior? In that case you can assume that your child is spoiled and it is time to drastically change course.
Break the circle
Stop taking responsibility from your child. This can often be done in small things such as: picking up a used towel, quickly cleaning up the toys, clearing the table yourself, taking care of the child's pets, staying on for longer, et cetera. When you catch yourself on such an activity, try to think why you do or did this? Are you too tired? Is this going faster? Do not feel like fighting? Do not want to interrupt him in his game? Out of guilt? Would you like to see your child happy? By gaining insight into your actions, you can also easily (and) turn the tide!