Stress and parenting

The holidays are over again. This means that some people also suffer a bit of stress. Often, stress is hidden in 'having to do everything'. The 'must' be fun, we have to 'eat' and eat well, we 'have' to arrange and do everything. We 'have' ... well, everything that we impose on ourselves and we get stress from that, but actually we do not have to do anything at all. And that 'nothing' starts with throwing expectations overboard. It will definitely make a lot of stress if you just keep the Christmas days smaller. Only with your family, or maybe with your (clean) parents. This may solve the holiday stress, but stress and parenting is a very common combination and manifests itself in different forms.

Stress and parenting

Perhaps you can avoid the stress with the holidays by some practical measures, but unfortunately these are often not the only stress moments in our lives. Stress and parenting go together quite often. For example, parents can experience a lot of stress during parenting. "Am I doing all right?" Do I make the right decisions? " Educating is a wonderful task, but it can give you a lot of stress.

Everything has to be arranged

And what do you think of all those balls that you have to keep high? Children's clubs where they have to be taken, your work, housekeeping, groceries, cooking food, friends who come to play, help with homework, your social life and preferably also have to work out in between. And if you think you've arranged everything, someone suddenly gets sick ... There you go planning.

Perfection does not exist

Perfection does not exist, certainly not in combination with parenting. It is hidden in the loving acceptance of imperfection. Do not set the bar too high for yourself, you can sometimes drop a stitch. It does not all have to be perfectly arranged, a little less often is also good enough.

Treatment stress

Take for example those treats at school. The mother of Jaapje had made beautiful Pokémons, they could even flutter their wings and now your child wants that too! But maybe Mother's mother has a lot more time than you, or maybe she is the arts champion of the country. Who will say it. Or maybe she asked her neighbor. If you have two left-handed hands, like me, you really should not want to do anything about tinkering with that. That only gives you unnecessary stress. Just choose something that suits you. Buy it, if necessary, ready-made. Your child really cares about a cheerful mother with a simple treat, rather than a snarling mother who has given her energy to some high-tech treat.

Equal distribution

An equal division of tasks between you and your partner can prevent a lot of stress. On the one hand you have to do less because your partner is also responsible for a few tasks and you also have to irritate less 'because you only pay for everything'. Maybe your partner does it a bit differently from you. But otherwise it is just different and not necessarily better or worse.

Lat is too high

Research (journal J / M) has shown that parents set the bar too high for themselves. Where only 58% of parents were worried about the behavior and development of their child three years ago, this has increased to 73%. Furthermore, 60% feel that you can never do well as a parent.
What a pity that we put ourselves down so negatively, while we are actually doing quite well together. Of course we sometimes make mistakes, but that only makes us human. There is also nothing wrong with saying to your child that you made a mistake. Or to offer your excuse because you have become so unreasonably angry, because you are actually very tired, but that this has nothing to do with him.

Right to disappointments

There is nothing wrong with your child ever being disappointed. You can not protect them for everything. As much as you want. Your child is entitled to his disappointments, he will grow from it and learn to deal with it. You better learn it at a young age, because he will experience many more disappointments in the course of his life. In any case, be honest with your child. Explain to him why something is not possible. That is better than getting the stretch out of yourself to reach the impossible.

Hormonal stress

Finally, I want to pay attention to hormonal stress. Actually this cup deserves a chapter in itself. Hormones have a big influence on our mood. Think of the mood swings during your pregnancy, puberty, menstrual cycle or transition. If you suffer from hormonal stress, you can respond extremely emotionally, both positively and negatively. For your environment quite difficult to deal with because they do not know where they stand.

Practical tips

Prevention is always better than cure. That is why we give a few practical tips to prevent stress:

01) Set your own achievable goals yourself.
02) Take a break more often, even if it is only 5 minutes.
03) Eat as healthy as possible.
04) Drink up to 4 cups of coffee per day.
05) Take a walk more often.
06) Half an hour of exercise per day is a good basis for good health.
07) Make sure you have sufficient rest (sleep).
08) Set priorities and learn to say 'no'. Not everyone needs to like you.
09) Accept yourself in your complete being. So also the things in which you are less strong.
10) Just do not do anything at all!

Video: How To Deal With Parenting Stress - Jeanne Segal, PhD

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