I've been a victim of domestic violence several times. I have had several partners who showed me the corners of the house up close and that was not because I liked it so much.
Admittedly, I am a lady with a pith. With words you will not win it from me when I really go for it. In general, I am a quiet person, but I can suddenly get very bright out of words when someone goes beyond my limits. At those times when they could no longer win with words, they saw no way out of asserting their fist. A sign of weakness, a sign of impotence. Not something that I can respect.
Something that I have forgiven several times out of love and the knowledge that I can be a spirited aunt. With different results as a result. One of the partners continued and I finally fled. Another person actually stopped abusing him after he was convicted once. Not that the quarrels were over, but the strike stopped. From now on he took a tree to give way to his aggression.
I have also experienced domestic violence around me. I have heard how an upstairs neighbor was beaten up. Another neighbor has been beaten to death by her ex-husband. I have had friends who were beaten and therefore I have several experiences up close.
Not just physical violence
Domestic violence, however, is not only when physical violence is involved and people sometimes underestimate it. If it is not beaten, a violent quarrel can sometimes be angry. Quarrels are normal, we must occasionally lose our frustrations, annoyances, anger and aggression. Let's not deny that.
We should not forget that not every person has the same temperament. For person B with a good temperament it is really not so easy to get rid of a fight as for person A who naturally has less temperament.
'Just do not do it' is therefore a train of thought that will not work. When you have to deal with violent anger and aggression, you also have to be able to express it somewhere. If you do not do that, then it is not only very unhealthy for yourself, because you hold all those strong powers in you, but it also works like a ball that pushes you under water and then shoots up with even more force. and who knows what the ball touches and breaks.
Learning to deal with aggression and anger and finding a way to express it is therefore very important. 'Just do not hit' is not always a solution. A solution always includes something that is possible and not something that is not possible. A pillow, a punching bag, a tree. Just walk away from each other and above all, let's not forget that. The most important;
What do you do to the children when there is a fierce argument in the house? Have you made an emergency plan for that? Are there neighbors, friends, family where the children can go? Then use it. You can not escape a quarrel, once a crisis or an escalation. That happens sometimes and in one family more often than the other, but you do not want your children to get something from it. I do not want that, you do not want that, but the authorities do not want that either. Before you know it you have to deal with the youth care agencies and then you are only further away from home and your children too.
If your children are not present at high-level quarrels, youth care institutions can never make you anything. It is really much healthier for your child not to be present. It scares them, it damages their image of how you deal with each other and chances are that later they themselves will also fall into relationships where things are going strong and maybe even more violently.
That is something they unconsciously carry with them, because they have seen it and therefore have learned. That is also the reason that agencies interfere with such families when it comes to their attention.
Do you know people whose quarrels sometimes run high? Then offer your help to the children to catch when the time comes again. Keep talking is important, because people are often ashamed of those situations and then easily isolate and isolate themselves. That only aggravates the situation.
Every situation is different, every family is different and every argument is different. Of course, everything requires an approach to understanding the situation, but let us support each other more in this society. A child is not better off when it is taken away from a family. The child is better off if it can be removed from a situation that is too intense for the child and do not underestimate it. As soon as your child stands there screaming and crying, that is already very intense, but when the child is used to it and quietly continues playing while you are doing things 'short and small', then the child has already been badly damaged.
So listen to your child, even if you are busy with arguing. Remember that they only have one childhood that determines this for the rest of their lives.