Educating and stress. The two seem inextricably linked. Besides the education of your children, the combination with work can also demand a lot of energy. Mindfulmama @ Work gives you lots of tips to reduce stress. In this article you will find 3. Because a stress-free mother, who does not want to be?
Grab your peace!
Do you ever think: finish everything first, and then I sit down. Do your thoughts then run wild when an unexpected event messes up your well-deserved rest? 'I can never even sit quietly!' Result: stress.
Recognizable? Remember that you can not always plan your rest, you can only take it when it presents itself. It is therefore useful to recognize your moments of rest, because rest tends to be presented in disguise!
Mama's and rest
Mama's find peace the easiest when they are 'without children'. How do dads do that?
Fathers are different from mothers in that. They generally find peace at all times. With or without children around them. Everywhere. While the children love to play in the playground, they close their eyes for a moment to catch up on some sleep. Sitting on the bench. Or lying if you can. As long as there is no danger and children can not fall or run away, it is a suitable time.
Mama's on the bench next to it do not even look at it. Not that they would do such a thing themselves. It would also attract some attention: a mum, lying on a bench while her children are playing. Bystanders would wonder if they became unwell. With a lying dad that thought does not occur to anyone. Everyone understands that he takes his rest.
Tip 1: Recognize your moments of rest and do not delay them
What is peace for you? Are it the times when you think: I'm hungry for coffee? Or if your children are playing, you look around you and think: I would like a cup of coffee? To then continue with all kinds of things because you think: no, first do this.
Unknowingly you calm down until the moment that everything is finished. That thought can be a burden on your shoulders. But as you may have already experienced: the 'all-is-off-moment' does not exist. Because at that moment everything starts again. Let it be a reassuring thought instead of a stressful one. Everything never comes off, so I can just as well sit down if I feel like it.
Mama the centipede
Does this look familiar? "Mommy, I'm thirsty." Before you know it you got up and grabbed your drink. Not so strange when you consider that your child is dependent on you for the first years of your life. If your child is hungry, then you are ready to eat. Is it thirsty, then you drink. This becomes a second nature. And then learn yourself. That's difficult. That is why you still jump up when your child of seven asks for a drink and smears his sandwiches when he goes to secondary school. It is an automatism.
This fully automatic action is very easy for parents: it is fast, efficient and saves three times questions to your child if he wants to wear his shoes. Only you can not help him. That way he can not develop his independence and sense of responsibility properly.
Tip 2: Divide the responsibility
Make a list of the things you do for your child. Are there things he can do himself? In Mindfulmama @ Work you will find a handy list of what your child can do at what age. Eventually it will give less stress. In the beginning you will still feel responsible for the tasks your child can already do. Be kind to yourself. You may feel responsible, it does not mean that you automatically are.
Protecting borders at work
Your work can also give stress. Suppose your manager asks you to take over work from a colleague. You do not have time for this. How do you react?
"Well, ehm. I do not know, tricky. Actually, I do not have time for it, but yes, if it can not be done differently. I will see what I can do.'
With this answer you leave a door open and your supervisor does not hear a clear no. And with a bit of bad luck your supervisor just hears a yes there.
Saying no has something negative in it, we think. Ask yourself: what exactly are you afraid of? For rejection? If you say no, your colleagues, your supervisor or the person you say no to, you will reject? Or that he does not like you anymore? Or do you think that if you say no, the other person does not have a positive image of you anymore?
Tip 3: Say more often 'no'
And remember: no is a sentence
How often do you just say 'no'? Without dressing with a 'sorry' for it, or a 'but' behind it? No. Point. "No" is a sentence. Give it a try. Say 'no' and then nothing. See what the reaction is from the other person. If you want to give some explanation afterwards, do so with an I-message. Read more about this in Mindfulmama @ Work.