Not every pregnancy ends in a pink cloud of happiness. Unfortunately. It is not something you think about when you are pregnant, but sometimes your dreams are overtaken by reality and your life is turned upside down at once.
When is it a stillbirth?
You are talking about stillbirth when your child dies after the 16th week of your pregnancy. For that period, there is talk of a miscarriage.
Rollercoaster of emotions
A rollercoaster of emotions drag you along and seem to control your thoughts. Not only grief, but also anger, guilt, pride and love. A lot of love, for that little person that lies lifeless in your lap. A beautiful little baby that will never run with his feet through the sand or take your hand with his little hands. A child without a future, but what in your future, will always remain inextricably bound to you.
Why your child could not stay with you will differ per child. There may be several reasons why your child has died. Perhaps there were problems with the umbilical cord or placenta. Perhaps there was a hereditary cause, a congenital defect or infection. There can be so many reasons that you could not have done anything about.
It is important to call on your midwife at certain signals. One important thing is reduced mobility of your child, or no movement at all. The midwife will listen to the heart of the child if everything is still going well on the inside or making an ultrasound. Depending on that result, she will take action.
It is not strange when you are in shock when you are told that your child has died. All your plans and future dreams seem to have been swept off the table at once. Not only your child has died, but also a piece of yourself. Logically that questions arise in your head as "Why us?" Often (blood) research into the cause of his death is possible. But even if you get the results, it will not make your sadness less. By the way, your permission is necessary to examine your child.
It seems almost impossible to make choices during the most dark and sad period in your life to say goodbye to your child in a loving way. Take the time to do this. You get questions about which you have never thought before and yet have to be answered. The most important thing is to say goodbye to your child, as you wish. Nothing is crazy, if you want to hug him and take pictures of him, then this is the moment. Once your child is buried, he takes all photo moments, forever, with him.
Last days together
How wry it sounds, but enjoy these last days together and experience these days together. In our report 'The last moment together with your child' we give all sorts of tips about these last moments. Maybe there are tips that also appeal to you. Maybe not and you have your own ideas about it. Saying goodbye is personal. Everyone does this in his own way.
You became a mum and your body has adjusted accordingly. Milk production can start after childbirth. You can get a remedy for this from the GP, so that your milk production is stopped again.
Conversation with the doctor
You will have a conversation with the doctor after about six weeks. During this interview, the (possible) blood test will also be discussed and a cause may be identified. You can also discuss other important questions during this interview, for example questions about a new pregnancy. It might be good to put a few important questions on paper beforehand so that you do not forget them during the emotional conversation.
Take the time to mourn. It is not strange to only go back to work after your 16 weeks of maternity leave. Discuss this with your employer and be honest with yourself.