They are never the best subjects to write about, but unfortunately the daily reality: "the divorce". The divorce rate has been rising since the 1970s. According to figures from the Central Statistics Office (CBS), the divorce rate in 2009 was 34.3%. On average, 1 out of 3 marriages therefore ends in a divorce. The divorce rate in marriages with autism or related disorders is 92%. This usually concerns a marriage, of which one of the partners has the diagnosis Autistic Spectrum Disorder. In a so-called "Auti-marriage" communication is often a major defect, so many marriages can be stranded. It goes without saying that aid organizations can be used for these "marital problems", but what now ... if within the marriage one or more children are involved with the same diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Children experience a divorce between both parents as a huge and emotional event. For children with autism, such a divorce also has a considerable impact. Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) have great difficulty understanding or noticing the thoughts, feelings and emotions of others. With a divorce this will be even more radical, because it concerns both parents; parents who have given them understanding, security, structure, regularity, rules, safety and trust from birth. The basis that every child - but certainly a child with ASD - needs, but suddenly disappears.
For whatever reason parents decide to separate, they often end up in the divorce procedure, where the contact arrangement is often a topic of discussion. Is it going well or badly in such a divorce procedure? Never put your child (ren) as a part in the battle with each other and do not lose sight of the importance of child (ren). Never project the additional emotions on child (ren), because a child with ASD can and does not have anything to do with the emotions of an adult parent! Of course a divorce is an emotional and radical event, but there will be enough moments and / or occasions to discuss (adult) emotions with others, but do not let a child on that level be a partner. A child has his / her own emotions / feelings and in this case they are a lot more important than the emotions of the divorcing parent.
As far as the access regulation is concerned, it is important to make good and clear agreements. A child with ASD attaches to clarity, rules and structure. And during a divorce between the two parents the more, because a child sees that piece of "basis" and structure fall away, because one of the parents will leave the "base" (read: parental home), to take a new home elsewhere.
But ... even after the divorce it is important to maintain good guidance, support and guidance for the child with ASD. Experience shows that a single father and / or mother after the divorce, the upbringing, care and attention of a child with autism experience as even heavier than when they were still together. And regardless of whether or not a new partner comes into being with father and / or mother; In educational terms, a child with ASD remains a point of constant care and attention. Every change in the life of a child with ASD requires the right approach and acceptance.
A divorce often brings about the necessary consequences, also in the financial field. What are you entitled to as a single parent if you are left alone with a child with an indication. Care not only requires attention, but also financial assistance and support.
As a hands-on expert and also a single mother, I experienced first hand how heavy and stressful it is (... and can be) to give the right care and attention, in which you have to control your emotions. As an Autism Consultant, I can advise, guide, coach and support (divorced) parents, from the moment you want to tell your child (ren) to the moment when the divorce has taken place and both parents want to find their own way.