Letting go and dependence

From the moment of birth to adulthood, there is a long way with many moments of saying goodbye and letting go. Of course that already starts with the umbilical cord. But also to the playgroup, staying, kindergarten, school trip, high school and many more first times. If you have supervised your toddler well at a young age, later divorces will be processed better and better by him.


Every toddler is afraid of being separated from his parents. This is a normal phase in its development around 20 to 27 months. Naturally, the degree to which per child is saved, but also due to circumstances and experience. A child who does not see many others than his parents, can have much more trouble with it than a child who regularly sees others. But also children who have experienced some tension (childcare, relocation, coming brother or sister) may have more problems. Take his fear seriously and respond patiently and understandingly.

Just more needed

It seems to be a contradiction, as soon as you think your child needs you less because he can do more and more, he seems to need you more and more. On the one hand, the step of independence pulls on your toddler, but on the other hand he feels very safe with you. Even in his ever-growing world, you are still his center.

You can learn to let go

But such a toddler that hangs on your leg is not always useful. It is important to find a balance between giving support and safety and the space a toddler needs to be able to grow and develop further. Encourage your toddler with love and enthusiasm when he starts doing something himself.


By means of games you can teach your child that something is not gone forever, if it has disappeared from his sight. Even if you do not see something, it still exists. The game 'Kiekeboe' is of course a great option for this! Hide yourself (behind your hands, a door, the couch or a cloth) and then ask: "Where am I?" You can then show your face again and cheerfully say, "Here I am!" You can stretch a small amount of time from a few seconds to two full minutes in the course of a week.
You can of course continue to talk if you are hiding, so that your toddler can still hear your voice.

Enough time

If your child starts to get used to it, he may want to hide himself.
It is important to save enough time for your child. The more attention you give him, the less he will ask for it. Sing to him, read him, play with him and craft together. Also provide a lot of physical contact; hug a lot with him, take him on your lap and give him little kisses.

Both busy

Are you doing something yourself? Make sure that your toddler also has something to do. Maybe your child wants to help the room to dust, or it can give the doll food when you cook the food. While you are busy, you can also continue to talk to your child and occasionally give a stroke over the ball. So you keep in touch with each other.

Stay calm

Does your toddler get everything together? Then stay calm yourself and do not get angry. Just continue what you were doing, keep talking quietly is an excellent option. Your calm voice can already be soothing. Are you ready? Then you can report again with: 'Here I am again!'. If you always use the same words here, your child will get used to it and that also gives confidence.

Do not stop him

Does your toddler want to come after you? Do not stop him. He would feel rejected and that is of course not the intention. The other way around is also fine. If you play together and your child wants to leave, let him go.
Your toddler's fear of being alone is part of his development. With a little bit of patience and love on your part, it will eventually be all right with him and he will automatically pass this phase again.

Video: Let Go of The Addict

Leave Your Comment