Comforting - How do you offer comfort?

When a child dies in your immediate environment, you naturally want to be able to comfort the parents. But how do you comfort somebody who has been struck by the greatest sadness? It can be done by a small sentence or just a sincere word. Sometimes it may be better to remain silent, arm around someone, and listen to someone's story ...

If you do not know what to say, if words fall short, then at least be honest and say this or say nothing, a gesture can sometimes be much more important. You better keep silent than saying the wrong things.

Try to be as sincere as possible and only say things that you mean. Many fellow sufferers have unfortunately noticed that a promise 'you can always call me' ceases at the moment that the person has turned away, or if the mourning letter is stored away.
After the loss of a child, this again means a loss, but this time from friends.

Hurting comments

Unfortunately, incorrect comments are regularly made when trying to comfort someone. Unintentionally, but very hurtful to the receiver. If you want to be someone's comfort, please try to avoid comments such as:

  • You are young, you can still have so many children ...
  • Fortunately, he has already died, if he had died at a later age it would have been more difficult.
  • Maybe you were not ready yet.
  • Fortunately, you have other children.
  • You can always try to make a new child again.
  • Maybe the time was not right yet.
  • A funeral for such a little baby? Is that a real funeral?
  • God will have a purpose with it.
  • Hopefully you can celebrate Mother's Day next year, with a next pregnancy (as if you did not become a mother of a child who died)

The most important thing is listening. Listen to the story, and if need go again, and again, and again ...
Do not ignore the deceased child. Not just after the death, but not after (for example) ten years! Parents of deceased children are - quite rightly - proud of their little angels. Of course they do want to talk about it, their angel will always remain part of their lives.

Realize that parents who have lost a child must not only have to say goodbye to their child, but also to a dream of the future. Hope and expectation have disappeared immediately. Remember that birth and death date will be and remain very important. Every year these dates (or date) will be in the sign of their child. If your parents really want to have fun, write down these dates in your diary and let them hear from you on that day (s). And a short telephone call to wish them strength or a ticket with a short text is invaluable. The attention from the environment confirms once again his birth and existence.

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