Experiences farewell - Farewell to our daughters

I would like to share my experience with others, here comes our story of Luca * En Loenke *

Luca * is our first child.
She died in my stomach when I was 14 weeks pregnant.
She was born on March 17, 2008 ...
Later research has revealed nothing, in itself she was a healthy child with everything on and on.
After the loss of Luca * we were pregnant again that summer. Unexpected, scared, hope, ... but happy.
I had collapsed a little after Luca * and lost a lot of weight. I went throughout the pregnancy three times a week to get the zh for nutrition. Everything seemed perfect only that our girl was a bit too small and weighed too little. Towards the end of the pregnancy I had to lie flat to promote growth and weight.

After a number of false alarms, I felt a bit difficult on March 28 and had a little pain. Not that surprising, but after a little bit of time I did not get any reaction from her. We then drove to the zh and there appeared that our girl had problems.
I was rushed to the operating room and via a cesarean section Loenke * was born, just a few minutes after midnight on 29 March 2009. With a weight of 2kg and 50 grams and a length of 45cm.

After checking the pediatrician everything seemed to be in order. She was allowed to go to her dad, after an hour she turned blue. And then the whole nightmare started. She was rushed away, in the meantime I had gained something and heard the news that there was something. Later we were told that our girl was suffering from a rare and severe heart defect.
Operating was not an option yet, she probably would not make it because she was so small and weak. So they were going to let her up first. She did well the first few days.

On the 30th of March her heart did not work very well anymore, it made strong leaps and hardly stabilized.
On April 1 they had to resuscitate her, luckily she returned, but not stable.
April 2 they had to resuscitate her twice. The chance was almost certain that this had also caused damage to her brains.
We were faced with an inhumanly difficult decision because it became clear to us that she was not going to save it. If we wanted to, we could still operate what would not actually give a chance. She was so weak that she would die for giving the anesthetic for ages. We then chose to let her go, when her heart started to get weird that we would let her go. Giving her deserved rest ....

On April 3, at about six, she flew away from us, from my arms, the first time I could hold her in my arms.

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